230623 享受我在農(nóng)村的獨處時光（我作為一個非完美主義者更快樂）

[230623]Enjoying My Own Company While Living Rural

(I'm Happier As a Non-Perfectionist)

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Living with yourself isn't always easy - so I wanted to make a video talking about how I have and continue to slowly build a good relationship with myself, becoming my own best friend in the process, and finding it much easier to regulate my feelings and find joy in the little things. Overall my daily experience has improved with this mindset of 'observing' instead of blindly following feelings and inclinations. Instead, slowing down and allowing for self-reflection and inner growth. Hope you enjoy this and please share your own thoughts!

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It is a beautiful morning. The wildflowers are dancing in the wind and looking quite pleased with themselves. I'm enjoying a long walk with my husband, watching as storm clouds mix with a gentle sun.

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The weather has been changeable lately, as we all are. I think we can be sure that in our own lives, sunshine will be followed with periods of rain and vice versa. I think that is one of my favorite things about being alive – that everything is impermanent and changeable. During hard times, I take comfort in knowing things will change. During good times, I know I must appreciate the moment because I have known the rain. I even appreciate death because I think it gives meaning to life. And I've come to appreciate a lot of things that we sometimes fear or find uncomfortable and see the beauty in it.

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Most scary things are not quite so when taken out into the light. I feel the same in regards to myself. There's nothing to dislike or fear in me, not when I really look at it. What I dislike is only pain, wishing to be soothed with love. And what I fear is only a call to grow and find my courage.

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I was on the phone with my sister one day, telling her about a small personal challenge I was trying to overcome. And I said, "I was so frustrated that I can't just change myself at the snap of my fingers. I can't just immediately be who I want to be. I know I should love myself, but why can't I simply love? Why is it so hard to apply what I've learned?" Her response resounded with me. She said, "Paola, let's say you snap your fingers and you're suddenly exactly who you want to be. You've grown and matured in all the ways you need to. You are perfect. What then? What is the point of your life? Where do you go from here? Will you even be proud of that person?" I kept thinking of that long after I finished talking to her, as it felt deeply true. There is no thing that brings me greater joy than going through the process of learning from life and celebrating my achievements along the way. From then onward, I wanted to accept that the process of becoming your best self takes a lifetime. There isn't any point in negative self-criticism if I've accepted that my journey is about making mistakes and learning from them.

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Becoming an observer of your own choices, actions, relationship dynamics, and even emotions is an incredible tool in becoming your best friend. Because you see yourself as just that – a friend, someone you must take care of and support, as well as challenge. Now you may think that that's obvious – being self-aware is just that: observing yourself and reflecting. But we often do so much in our lives where we don't apply that sense of reflection. We say things we don't mean or are unkind to ourselves and others without wondering why we do that and what does that tell us about ourselves. How can this awareness help us practice humility, which I will always believe is the starting point to all great change for the better? When I look at myself through humble eyes, I see why constant criticism isn't humble at all. Because it is as if you expect yourself to be perfect when it's impossible. This has helped me change the way I talk to myself and slowly, ever so slowly, become my best friend.

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I don't know if you can actually hear me. It is not too windy, but there are so many bugs and birds out and about. I'm not sure if I'm going to be audible at all, but since this is one of my favorite places, I decided that I would give it a try. Are you going to join us?

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I had to readjust the camera a little bit due to my dog breathing very loudly into the microphone. So here we are. Hopefully, you can hear me at least a bit. I had a bit of a hard week, to be honest. I kind of overloaded myself with stuff to do, and that is something I tend to do in the springtime because it is finally warm. I have all this newfound excitement for the spring and this new season, and I don't always know how to reel myself back in. And so, I felt myself feeling a little bit overwhelmed, and I did not like the headspace I was in.

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Due to not feeling super great, I decided to come out here to another one of my favorite little spots around my home. This is only about a mile or so away from where I live, and it is worth the walk. I love the bright purple of the lupins and the larkspur mixed together over here, and the smell of the lupine is so distinct and it never fails to calm me down. Whenever I do make videos about being overwhelmed, I do find it interesting that quite a few people always comment that I don't seem overwhelmed at all. And I thought I'd use that as a great example for a lot of people – you don't really know what they're feeling on the inside, and you can't always tell on the outside. I am someone that likes to keep those things quite private, and there's actually a downside to that because I think that it makes it more difficult for me to let others know when I need a bit of a break. And so, it's been quite important to me as I grow older to grow into a more assertive person and someone who's more clear with what they need and their boundaries, which I know can be really hard for a lot of people to do.

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One technique when I'm feeling off in any way – it doesn't matter the emotion usually – is to find a lovely place to sit. You obviously do not need a field of flowers – a peaceful corner of your room is just fine. And using that opportunity to observe your feelings instead of being them. It's thinking about it more like, "I have feelings that are rather sad" or "feelings that are overwhelming," and you are not those feelings. You are not defined by how you feel, and those feelings are not who you are. You are so much more than that. You can, over time, learn to observe your feelings so that they do not quite have the same weight over you. But that can be hard to do. It's a very, very long process. I'm still on that process. Sometimes just sitting and practicing that, separating myself from how I feel, re-labeling how I feel – instead of saying, "Oh, I'm so upset, I can't stand it" – instead being, "These feelings are rather uncomfortable right now, but they're very manageable. It will be okay," and relabeling those things and transforming my experience helps me so much.

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Yeah, I should probably wrap this up. Oh, I probably need to get home. I did hear that there were storms on the forecast, but I did not realize they were going to be coming so soon. Well, I hope you enjoyed this beautiful lupine field with me. It means so much to share it with you. For anyone interested, always down below, I share links to some charity and conservancy groups that mean a lot to me. If you have enjoyed these videos, if you love nature, if you love preserving wildlands, do check out those links or find your own ways to contribute. Because this field is too beautiful, and I want places like this to last forever. And so, I appreciate you humoring me and hearing me out. And I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful week. And I'm gonna head home before I get rained on or lightning or something worse. So sending so much love. Goodbye.

享受我在農(nóng)村的獨處時光

（我作為一個非完美主義者更快樂）

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和自己相處并不總是容易的 - 所以我想制作一個視頻，談論我如何逐漸與自己建立起良好的關系，過程中成為自己最好的朋友，更容易地調(diào)節(jié)我的情感，從小事中找到快樂。總的來說，這種'觀察'的心態(tài)，而不是盲目地追隨情感和傾向，使我的日常體驗得到了改善。相反，放慢腳步，讓自己有時間反思和內(nèi)在成長。希望你喜歡這個，并請分享你自己的想法！

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今天是個美好的早晨。野花在風中舞動，顯得非常滿足。我正與我的丈夫一起悠長地散步，看著暴風雨的云朵與柔和的陽光交融。

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最近的天氣變化無常，正如我們所有人一樣。我想我們可以確信，在我們的生活中，陽光總會被雨水取代，反之亦然。我覺得這是我喜歡生活的原因之一 - 一切都是短暫和變化的。在困難時期，我從中得到安慰，知道事情會改變。在好時光里，我知道我必須珍惜這一刻，因為我經(jīng)歷過雨水。我甚至感激死亡，因為我認為它賦予了生命意義。我開始珍惜我們有時害怕或覺得不舒服的很多事情，并從中看到美。

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大多數(shù)可怕的事情在光明中并不那么可怕。我對自己也有同樣的感覺。當我真正去看它時，我身上沒有什么是我不喜歡或害怕的。我所不喜歡的只是痛苦，希望得到愛的安慰。而我所害怕的只是一個成長和找到勇氣的召喚。

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有一天，我在電話里和我的姐姐說，我告訴她我正試圖克服的一個小的個人挑戰(zhàn)。我說：“我很沮喪，因為我不能只是一揮手就改變自己。我不能立即成為我想成為的那個人。我知道我應該愛自己，但為什么我不能簡單地去愛？為什么把我所學到的應用起來這么難？”她的回答讓我印象深刻。她說：“Paola，假設你一揮手，你突然變成了你想成為的人。你在所有需要的方式上都成長和成熟了。你是完美的。然后呢？你生命的意義是什么？你從這里去哪里？你會為那個人感到驕傲嗎？”我在與她通話結束后長時間思考這個問題，因為它感覺非常真實。沒有什么比從生活中學習和慶祝我一路上的成就更讓我快樂的了。從那時起，我想接受變得更好的自己的過程需要一生的時間。如果我接受我的旅程是關于犯錯誤并從中學習，那么就沒有負面的自我批評的意義。

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成為自己選擇、行動、關系動態(tài)甚至情感的觀察者是成為自己最好朋友的一個驚人的工具。因為你只是看待自己——一個朋友，一個你必須照顧和支持的人，同時也是挑戰(zhàn)。現(xiàn)在你可能會認為這是顯而易見的 - 自我意識就是這樣：觀察自己并反思。但在我們的生活中，我們經(jīng)常做很多事情，卻不去反思。我們說我們不是真正意思的話，或者對自己和其他人不善，而不去思考我們?yōu)槭裁催@么做，這告訴我們關于自己的什么。這種意識如何幫助我們實踐謙遜，我始終相信謙遜是所有為好的偉大變革的起點？當我以謙遜的眼光看待自己時，我明白為什么持續(xù)的批評一點也不謙遜。因為你似乎希望自己是完美的，但這是不可能的。這幫助我改變了我與自己說話的方式，并且慢慢地，很慢地，成為了自己最好的朋友。

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我不知道你是否真的能聽到我。風并不太大，但是有很多蟲子和鳥兒在四處飛翔。我不確定我是否會被聽到，但既然這是我最喜歡的地方之一，我決定試試看。你要加入我們嗎？

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由于我的狗對著麥克風呼吸得很大聲，我不得不稍微調(diào)整一下攝像機的位置。所以我們現(xiàn)在在這里。希望你們能至少聽到我說話。說實話，這周對我來說有點困難。我給自己安排了太多的事情要做，春天到了，天氣終于變暖，我對這個新季節(jié)充滿了新的期待和激情，但我并不總是知道如何收斂自己的興奮。所以，我覺得自己有點不知所措，我并不喜歡我那時的心態(tài)。

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因為感覺不太好，我決定來到家附近的另一個我最喜歡的地方。這里離我家只有一英里左右的距離，但這段路程是值得的。我喜歡這里魯賓花和飛燕草混合在一起的明亮的紫色，魯賓花的氣味很獨特，每次都能讓我平靜下來。每當我制作關于被壓垮的視頻時，我發(fā)現(xiàn)很多人總是評論說我看起來一點都不被壓垮。我想用這個作為一個很好的例子給很多人看——你真的不知道他們內(nèi)心的感受，而且從外表上你也看不出來。我是一個喜歡保持這些事情相對私密的人，這實際上有一個缺點，因為我認為這使得我更難讓別人知道我需要休息。所以，隨著我漸漸變老，我覺得更重要的是變得更加果斷，更清楚地表達自己的需要和界限，我知道這對很多人來說都很困難。

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當我感覺不舒服的時候，我通常會采用的一種技巧是找一個舒適的地方坐下來。你顯然不需要一個花田，你房間里的一個安靜的角落就可以。利用這個機會去觀察你的感受，而不是沉浸在其中。更多地思考它，比如：“我有一些感到悲傷的感覺”或者“有些不知所措的感覺”，而你不是這些感覺。你的定義并不是你的感覺，那些感覺并不代表你。你遠比那些感覺要宏大得多。隨著時間的推移，你可以學會觀察你的感覺，這樣它們就不會對你產(chǎn)生同樣的壓力。但這很難做到。這是一個非常非常長的過程。我仍然在這個過程中。有時只是坐下來，練習從我的感覺中分離出來，重新為我的感覺命名——而不是說：“哦，我很沮喪，我受不了了”——而是：“現(xiàn)在這些感覺有點不舒服，但它們是可以管理的，會沒事的?！敝匦聵擞涍@些東西并轉化我的體驗對我來說真的很有幫助。

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好的，我可能應該結束這個話題了。哦，我可能需要回家了。我聽說預報上有暴風雨，但我沒想到它們會來得這么快。希望你們喜歡這片美麗的魯賓花田。與你們分享這片田野對我意義重大。對于任何感興趣的人，在下面，我總是分享一些對我意義重大的慈善和自然保護組織的鏈接。如果你喜歡這些視頻，如果你熱愛自然，如果你熱衷于保護野生土地，請查看這些鏈接，或者找到你自己的方式來做貢獻。因為這片田野太美了，我希望這樣的地方能夠永遠存在。所以，感謝你們的耐心聽我說完。希望你們有一個美好的一周。我得趕回家，免得被雨淋到或被閃電劈到或其他更糟的事情。送上我最深的愛。再見。

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