? ? ?My aunt Truus, short for Gertrude, my mother's youngest sister?was another important person in my youth. She was the tallest of the?three sisters with a rather sharp tongue and the same independent?character as her mother. She had a great gift for story telling and the?ability to make a quite ordinary everyday event into an interesting and?amusing occurrence, imitating as she was telling it, the intonations,?dialect or particularity of speech of all the persons involved. She never?married and worked for a well-known Dutch banking firm. On her?free Saturday afternoons she used to like taking me with her for long?walks which often lasted three hours or more. I enjoyed accompanying?her for during these walks she would tell me endless stories about?distant relations or people in her office, whom, although I had never?seen them, I got to know very well. These stories were mostly highly?entertaining and at times I would shriek with laughter especially when?she took people off. From these walks I have developed two lasting?characteristics. One is that for me the highest form of humour remains?somebody taking somebody else off. The other is that I developed the?habit of listening rather than talking. So, partly out of laziness perhaps?and partly out of a genuine interest in what other people have to say, I?have always encouraged other people to do the talking, thus leaving?myself free to listen or, occasionally, I must admit to simply switch?off.

【我的姨媽特魯厄斯（格特魯?shù)碌暮?jiǎn)稱)，是我母親最小的妹妹，她對(duì)我童年的影響也很大。她是三姐妹中最高的一個(gè)，說話犀利，性格也和她母親一樣獨(dú)立。她在講故事方面很有天賦，能把一個(gè)很普通的日常變成有趣的故事，在她講故事的時(shí)候，她會(huì)模仿所有涉及到的人的語調(diào)、方言或講話的特點(diǎn)。她一直沒有結(jié)婚，在一家著名的荷蘭銀行工作。在星期六下午她空閑的時(shí)候，她喜歡帶我去散步，常常要走三個(gè)多小時(shí)。我很喜歡陪著她散步，因?yàn)槊看紊⒉剑紩?huì)給我講許多關(guān)于遠(yuǎn)親或她辦公室里的人的故事，雖然我從來沒有見過他們，但我對(duì)他們很熟悉。這些故事大多非常有趣，有時(shí)我會(huì)大笑，尤其是當(dāng)她把人支走的時(shí)候。在這些散步的過程中，我形成了兩個(gè)特點(diǎn)。一個(gè)是，對(duì)我來說，幽默的最高形式就是別人互相調(diào)侃；另一個(gè)是我養(yǎng)成了傾聽而不是說話的習(xí)慣。所以，也許是出于懶惰，也許是出于對(duì)別人要說什么真正的興趣，我總是鼓勵(lì)別人來說話，這樣我就有時(shí)間聽了，或者，偶爾，我必須承認(rèn)，我只是想休息一下?！?/p>

? ? ?When I was five years old I went to the municipal primary school?which was located at ten minutes' walking distance?from where I lived.?From the very beginning I did well at school and one way or another?was always among the four best pupils of the class. My favourite?subject, however, was history - Dutch history, of course, at that point?- and very early on I started reading historical novels about the Eighty?Years War of the Dutch republic against Spain, the early journeys of?discovery of the Dutch seafarers and the sea battles of de rutter?and?Tromp. In this I was much encouraged by my uncle Tom, who?enjoyed reading these books himself, and then passed them on to me.?Special heroes for me were the princes of Orange; William the Silent,?a portrait of whom was hanging in my room, his sons and his great?grandson the King - stadtholder William Ⅲ. In consequence, I developed?a great attachment to the House of Orange and when?reading about the long drawn out struggle for power between the?stadtholders and the powerful merchant oligarchy my sympathies?were invariably on the side of the former.

【當(dāng)我五歲的時(shí)候，我去了市立小學(xué)，它離我住的地方有十分鐘的步行距離。從一開始，我在學(xué)校的表現(xiàn)就很好，而且無論如何我都是班里學(xué)習(xí)最好的四個(gè)學(xué)生之一。我最喜歡的科目是歷史，當(dāng)然是當(dāng)時(shí)的荷蘭歷史，很早以前我就開始閱讀歷史小說，內(nèi)容涉及荷蘭共和國(guó)與西班牙的八十年戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)、荷蘭海員的早期探索之旅以及德魯特和特朗普的海戰(zhàn)。這使我深受湯姆叔叔的支持，他自己也很喜歡讀這些書，然后把它們送給了我。對(duì)我來說，最喜歡的英雄是奧蘭治的王子——沉默的威廉，他的畫像掛在我的房間里，以及他的兒子和他的曾孫國(guó)王威廉三世。于是，我對(duì)奧蘭治家族產(chǎn)生了極大的喜愛，當(dāng)我讀到統(tǒng)治者與強(qiáng)大的商業(yè)寡頭之間曠日持久的權(quán)力斗爭(zhēng)時(shí)，我的心總是站在前者一邊。】

? ? ?Even earlier my imagination had been peopled by Biblical heroes:?Abraham and Isaac, Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brethren,?Samson, David and Saul etc. The first book I was ever given as a present?was an illustrated Children's Bible. With much pleasure?I?listened?to and later read for myself the stories of the Old Testament.?Their heroes made a deep impression on me, they seemed so much?more exciting than those of the New Testament with whom I found it much?more difficult to identify myself.

【早先我的想象里就充滿了圣經(jīng)中的英雄:亞伯拉罕和以撒，雅各和以掃，約瑟和他的弟兄，參孫，大衛(wèi)和掃羅等等。我收到的第一本書是一本帶插圖的《兒童圣經(jīng)》。我興致勃勃地聽著《舊約》里的故事，后來自己讀了起來。他們的英雄給我留下了深刻的印象，他們似乎比《新約》里那些讓我難以認(rèn)同的英雄更令人興奮?！?/p>

? ? ?My mother's family belonged to the Remonstrant Church as the followers?of the Dutch seventeenth-century theologian Arminius were?called. He preached free will and universal salvation and put forward?the view that because of Christ's atonement all men might be saved?and not merely a pre-ordained elect, as the Dutch Reformed Church,?more or less strictly adhering to Calvin's doctrine of predestination,?held. The doctrinal controversies between the Arminians?and the?Calvinists led to civil strife in the Netherlands in the first two decades?of the seventeenth century in which the rich merchant families of?the large towns were generally on the side of the Arminians and the?ordinary people, led by the stadtholder Maurits, son of William the?Silent, on the side of the Calvinists. The struggle ended in a victory?for the Calvinists when, in 1619, the Synod of sort?condemned?Arminius as a heretic and expelled the remonstrant?from the Dutch?Reformed Church. I write about this dispute in some detail as it?coloured my religious and later my philosophical opinions. It might?have been expected that since my family were remonstrant?my?sympathies would have been with the followers of Arminius. In fact?they were entirely on the side of the Calvinists and the Dutch?Reformed Church. This was not of course because at the age of ten or?so when I read about these quarrels, I knew what free will and?predestination meant or understood what the controversy was about.?It was simply this: the stadtholder was on the side of the Calvinists?so, therefore, was I. It was only many years later, when I was able to understand?the fundamental issues, that my initial sympathies led to a?genuine belief in predestination and election by grace and later in?determinism.

【我母親的家族隸屬于17世紀(jì)荷蘭神學(xué)家阿米紐斯的追隨者所稱的宣教會(huì)。他宣揚(yáng)自由意志和普世救贖，并提出，由于基督的贖罪，所有人都可能得救，而不僅僅是一個(gè)預(yù)先注定的人。荷蘭歸正教會(huì)或多或少地遵守加爾文的宿命論。阿民念派和加爾文派之間的教義爭(zhēng)論導(dǎo)致了17世紀(jì)前20年荷蘭的內(nèi)訌，大城鎮(zhèn)的富商家庭通常站在阿民念派一邊，而平民則由城市所有者毛利茨領(lǐng)導(dǎo)，他是沉默的威廉的兒子，站在加爾文主義者一邊。這場(chǎng)斗爭(zhēng)以加爾文主義者的勝利而告終，1619年，宗教會(huì)議譴責(zé)阿民念為異教徒，并將其驅(qū)逐出荷蘭歸正教會(huì)。我寫了一些關(guān)于這個(gè)爭(zhēng)論的細(xì)節(jié)，因?yàn)樗绊懥宋业淖诮逃^點(diǎn)，后來影響了我的哲學(xué)觀點(diǎn)。我的家人們完全站在加爾文主義者和荷蘭歸正教會(huì)一邊。同樣我也站在加爾文一邊，這當(dāng)然不是因?yàn)樵谖沂畾q左右的時(shí)候，當(dāng)我讀到這些爭(zhēng)論的時(shí)候，我就知道自由意志是什么意思了，也理解了爭(zhēng)論的內(nèi)容。原因很簡(jiǎn)單:這座城市的主人是站在加爾文主義者一邊的，因此，我也是。只是在許多年后，當(dāng)我能夠理解這些基本問題時(shí)，我最初的同情才導(dǎo)致我真正相信宿命論，后來又相信了決定論?！?/p>

? ? ?My early pleasure in books and interest in history should not be?taken to mean that I did not enjoy playing with boys and girls of my?own age. I had many friends both among my schoolfellows and boys?and girls who lived in the neighbourhood. We played mostly in the?street where the various games followed each other in a strict order?established by some mysterious unwritten law governed by the?seasons and just as immutable. Much of our free time we boys spent?wandering on the river embankment and the many quays of the port.?I enjoyed sitting on a bollard watching stately ocean liners being?towed to their berths by busy small tugs. I spent many happy?Wednesday afternoons, when there was no school, watching the traffic?on the river and trying to determine the nationality of the ships that?passed by their flags and what company they belonged to by the?markings on their funnels. There is a well-known poem about?Rotterdam which says that if you have spent your boyhood there you?will feel at home anywhere in the world. Wherever you are you will?encounter smells with which you were familiar in your youth when?you played on the quayside - coffee from Brazil, spices from India,?hides from Argentina, timber from Russia. Wherever you are you can?say, here it smells as in Rotterdam. Perhaps that is why I have always?felt quickly at home in whatever country I was predestined to live.

【我早年對(duì)讀書的樂趣和對(duì)歷史的興趣，不應(yīng)被視為我不喜歡和同齡的男孩女孩們一起玩。我有很多朋友，既有同學(xué)，也有住在附近的男孩和女孩。我們大部分時(shí)間都在街上玩，各種游戲按照嚴(yán)格的順序進(jìn)行，這是由一些神秘的不成文的規(guī)律所決定的，這些規(guī)律受季節(jié)的影響，而且是一成不變的。我們男孩的大部分空閑時(shí)間都是在河堤和港口的許多碼頭上閑逛。我喜歡坐在系柱上，看著華麗的遠(yuǎn)洋客輪被忙碌的小拖船拖到它們的泊位上。我度過了許多快樂的沒有課的星期三下午，我看著河上的車輛，試圖通過它們的旗幟來確定它們的國(guó)籍，通過煙囪上的標(biāo)記來確定它們屬于哪一隊(duì)。有一首關(guān)于鹿特丹的著名詩(shī)說，如果你在那里度過童年，你會(huì)在世界上任何地方感到像在家一樣。無論你身在何處，你都會(huì)聞到你年輕時(shí)在碼頭玩耍時(shí)熟悉的氣味——巴西的咖啡、印度的香料、阿根廷的皮革、俄羅斯的木材。無論你在哪里，你都可以說，這里聞起來就像鹿特丹。也許這就是為什么無論我命中注定要生活在哪個(gè)國(guó)家，我總是很快就感到像在家里一樣?！?/p>

? ? ?My relations with my sisters were very close and have remained so?throughout our lives. We somehow felt that we were bound by?a common destiny which nothing could sunder. There was only?a difference of one year between us and so we played quite a lot?together and with each other's friends. One of our favourite games was?to play 'doctor'. I would transform the bathroom into a sort of?operating theatre in which I was the doctor and my sisters were the?patients. Or I would transform the attic into a church with benches?made from boards and a makeshift pulpit. I, dressed in an old black?gown of my grandmother would be the minister and my sisters would?be the congregation. It is true, I enjoyed this game more than they?did and I sometimes had to resort to bribery to get them to agree to?join in.

【我和我的姐妹們的關(guān)系非常親密，并且在我們的一生中一直如此。不知何故，我們感到共同的命運(yùn)把我們連在一起，什么也拆不開。我們只差了一年，所以我們經(jīng)常一起玩，和彼此的朋友一起玩。我們最喜歡的游戲之一是扮演“醫(yī)生”。我會(huì)把浴室改造成一種手術(shù)室，我是醫(yī)生，我的姐妹是病人?；蛘?，我會(huì)把閣樓改造成一個(gè)教堂，用木板做成長(zhǎng)凳和一個(gè)臨時(shí)的講壇。我，穿著一件黑色的舊禮服，我的祖母會(huì)是牧師，我的姐妹會(huì)是會(huì)眾。的確，我比他們更喜歡玩這個(gè)游戲，有時(shí)我不得不通過賄賂來讓他們同意加入?！?/p>

? ? ?Then in 1929 came the Wall Street crash. As the world crisis?gathered strength it began to affect the fortunes of our family. As a result?of the heavy slump in world trade many ships were laid up and,?of course, no new ones were being built. This directly affected my?father's business. Though he manufactured other leather articles as?well, the bulk of his trade was the leather gloves, used by riveters in?the dockyards. When they were laid off, no new orders for gloves were?naturally forthcoming and he in turn had to sack a number of his work?people. The firm of my aunt's husband, who was a grain dealer, was?also badly affected and eventually went bankrupt. Like several other?ruined and embittered middle-class people my aunt and uncle began to?look towards national-socialism for salvation. At home the daily?conversation centred round the ups and downs of business, the?difficulties of paying creditors, how many people and who should be?sacked and who kept on, whether there were signs that things were?getting better or, on the contrary, worse. It was not only at home, but?in the streets also that one noticed everywhere the signs of economic?crisis. Shops in glaring red figures slashed prices in a desperate?attempt to attract customers, many went bust and had to close down.?Hundreds of thousands of people were soon without employment.?They gathered every day around the labour exchanges where they had?to have their cards stamped to prove that they were not clandestinely?employed and therefore entitled to the modest unemployment benefit?which was just enough to keep their families alive. Often there were?meetings and demonstrations. The Salvation Army organised soup?kitchens and collected clothes to help the needy. In my school there?were several boys whose fathers were without work. I cannot say that at?the age of ten or twelve this called forth a feeling of revolt in me against?the injustice of a system which engendered all the misery I saw?around me, but rather one of resignation as in the face of some?enormous natural calamity which man was powerless to avert and had?to accept as he had to accept illness and death. Indeed illness and?death became inseparably linked in my memory with the world crisis.

【然后在1929年，華爾街崩盤了。隨著世界經(jīng)濟(jì)危機(jī)的加劇，它開始影響到我們家族的命運(yùn)。由于世界貿(mào)易的嚴(yán)重蕭條，許多船只被擱置起來，當(dāng)然，也沒有建造新的船只。這直接影響了我父親的生意。雖然他也生產(chǎn)其他皮革制品，但他的主要貿(mào)易是造船廠里的鉚工使用的皮手套。當(dāng)他們被解雇時(shí)，自然不會(huì)有新的手套訂單，于是他不得不解雇了一些員工。我姑姑的丈夫是一個(gè)糧食商，他的公司也受到了嚴(yán)重的影響，最終破產(chǎn)了。像其他幾位破產(chǎn)和痛苦的中產(chǎn)階級(jí)一樣，我的嬸嬸和叔叔開始指望國(guó)家社會(huì)主義來拯救他們。在家里，他們的日常談話集中在生意的起起落落、償還債主的困難、有多少人和哪些人應(yīng)該被解雇，哪些人應(yīng)該繼續(xù)留職，是否有跡象表明情況正在好轉(zhuǎn)，或者相反，情況正在惡化。不僅在家里，在街上也隨處可見經(jīng)濟(jì)危機(jī)的跡象。商店在醒目的紅色數(shù)字大幅削減價(jià)格，以吸引顧客，許多破產(chǎn)和不得不關(guān)閉。數(shù)十萬人很快就失業(yè)了。他們每天都聚集在勞工交易所附近，在那里，他們必須讓他們的證件蓋章，以證明他們不是被秘密雇用的，因此他們有資格獲得適度的失業(yè)救濟(jì)金，這只夠維持他們家人的生活。經(jīng)常有會(huì)議和示威。救世軍組織了施粥站，收集衣服來幫助有需要的人。在我的學(xué)校里，有幾個(gè)男孩的父親沒有工作。我不能說，在我十歲或十二歲的時(shí)候，這激起了我對(duì)造成我周圍所有苦難的不公正制度的反抗，而是一種聽天由命的感覺，就像面對(duì)某種巨大的自然災(zāi)害，人們無力避免，不得不接受，就像他不得不接受疾病和死亡一樣。事實(shí)上，在我的記憶中，疾病和死亡與世界危機(jī)是密不可分的?！?/p>

? ? ?As a result of constant financial worries, the struggle to keep his?business going and the uncertainty of the future my father's already?frail health began to deteriorate rapidly. When he came home from?work he was often so exhausted that he could mount the stairs only?with difficulty. On Boxing Day 1934 he took to his bed and did not get?up again. My mother called the doctor who ordered him to be taken at?once to hospital. The next day lung cancer was diagnosed and my?mother was told that there was no hope of recovery.

【由于不斷的經(jīng)濟(jì)上的擔(dān)憂，維持生意的努力和對(duì)未來的不確定性，我父親本已虛弱的身體開始迅速惡化。當(dāng)他下班回家時(shí)，他常常筋疲力盡，爬樓梯都很吃力。1934年節(jié)禮日，他躺在床上再也沒有起來。我媽媽打電話給醫(yī)生，醫(yī)生命令馬上把他送到醫(yī)院。第二天他被診斷為肺癌,我母親被告知沒有康復(fù)的希望?！?/p>

? ? ?This was the beginning of a difficult period. My mother had to take?over the day to day running of my father's business in his absence and?try to save what could be saved. Instead of looking after the home, she?now had to go every day to work in Rotterdam. In addition, she?wanted naturally to visit my father as often as possible. This was a?great strain on her. To make sure that even if she could not go herself?to the hospital somebody would come to see him, I took to going there?every day after school often accompanied by my sisters. From the very?beginning my mother had told us that there was no hope of him?getting better. Even so I don't think it really sank in and part of me?continued to believe that one day he would return home again.?Although my father had not taken a very direct part in our?upbringing, apart from of course providing for us, we loved him?dearly and could not imagine life without him. As for my father?himself, though he realised that he was very ill, I do not think he?believed until perhaps the very last days that he was dying. He often?talked about what he would do when he got out of hospital. One of his?plans was to go and stay for a while with his mother, who was living in?Nice at the time, to fully recover.

【這是一段艱難時(shí)期的開始。我父親不在的時(shí)候，我母親必須接管他的日常生意，并盡力挽救能挽救的東西。她現(xiàn)在不得不每天去鹿特丹上班，而不是照顧家庭。此外，她自然希望盡可能多地去看望我的父親。這對(duì)她來說是很大的壓力。為了確保即使她自己不能去醫(yī)院，也會(huì)有人來看他，我每天放學(xué)后都和姐姐們一起去醫(yī)院。從一開始，我母親就告訴我們，他沒有好轉(zhuǎn)的希望。即便如此，我內(nèi)心仍有一份期待，有一天他會(huì)再次回家。雖然父親在我們的成長(zhǎng)過程中并沒有直接參與到我們的成長(zhǎng)過程中，但除了供養(yǎng)我們之外，我們非常愛他，無法想象沒有他的生活。至于我的父親本人，盡管他意識(shí)到自己病得很重，但我想他大概直到最后幾天才相信自己即將死去。他經(jīng)常談?wù)撍鲈汉髸?huì)做什么。他的計(jì)劃之一就是去他的母親那里住一段時(shí)間，以便完全康復(fù)。當(dāng)時(shí)他的母親住在尼斯?！?/p>