成都雅思英語(yǔ)寫作批改案例分享

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places.
However, some people are concerned about its impact on these local areas.
Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?
Your response
With the development of transportation and technology, international tourism
becomes is becoming?more and more common and popular. Some people
argue that the increasing international tourism badly impacts?local areas, as it
damages?the?local environment. However, considering the economic benefits
and culture?cultural?exchange, I insist that?the?international tourism brings
more advantages than disadvantages.

It’s hard to deny that the large amount of international travelling causes has
negative impacts on?the?local environment, such as carbon emissions. Tourism
is based relies?on transport and the arrival of foreign tourists leads to an
increase?in the demand for?transport?demand.?As one of the main sources of
carbon emissions, this can cause damage to?the?local environment.

However, international tourism can bring a lot of positive effects, which are
more important than?the?local environment. First of all, it can highly benefit
the?local economy. To be specific, the increased international tourism creates
many job opportunities, which can be an important boost to the local
economy. For example, with more and more foreign visitors?arriving come to
travel, the demand?of for?local hotels and restaurants?would?also increases.
This increased demand leads to more job opportunities, which can stimulate
the local?economy economic dynamic.

Furthermore,?the?international tourism can help with the?exchange of local
culture.?This can be beneficial for?development for?local people, as well as for
cultural preservation and transmission. With the exchange of culture, the local
people have more accesses?to different cultures, leading to a greater
appreciation and understanding?to of diverse diversity?customs, values and
beliefs, which are?the an?important part of empathy and perspective-taking.

In conclusion, although?the?international tourism can have?a?negative impact
on local areas as it brings damages?to the environment, compared to the
economic benefits and?culture cultural?exchange, the advantages of
international tourism outweigh the disadvantages.

Feedback
Task Achievement
The candidate addresses all parts of the task, and a relevant position is
presented.
Relevant main ideas are presented but are sometime presented and developed
unclearly.?See comment 1.
In order to reach a B7, there would need to be clearer presentation and
development of the ideas throughout. The candidate should be careful not to
use vague language when presenting their ideas. They should try to be as
precise as possible.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response logically organises information and ideas and there is clear
progression throughout.
A range of cohesive devices is used appropriately, and there is generally a clear
central topic evident within each paragraph, but the occasional lack of clarity in
the development of ideas somewhat reduces coherence.
To raise the level to a B8, the development of ideas must be clearer
throughout so that the reader can understand the sequencing of ideas without
any strain.
Vocabulary
The lexical resource is sufficient for the task with attempts to use less common
vocabulary but with some inaccuracy. (See comment 1.)
Errors occur in?word formation?(for example,?understanding of?diverse diversity
customs), but they do not prevent understanding.

In order to get a B7, there would need to be a wider use of collocation and less
common items used more accurately.
Grammar
The writing displays a mix of simple sentences and complex sentence forms
(sentences with a dependent clause).
Errors are made in grammar, but they rarely affect understanding (for
example, articles: it can highly benefit?the?local economy etc.).
In order to achieve a B7, there would need to be a greater variety of not only
complex sentences, but also complex structures (noun phrases, auxiliary verbs,
passive, active voice, variety of tenses, etc). There would also need to be
frequent error free sentences with more accuracy in the complex sentences.
Sample Answer
The tourist industry has witnessed a major surge in recent decades, which has bolstered weaker nations’ economies. Although some people point out that there are negative connotations linked with this phenomenon, these definitely do not outweigh the associated benefits. The economic gains that accompany the travel industry are quite well recognised and recently, South East Asian countries have exemplified this.
Vietnam, especially, is becoming increasingly reliant on tourism and the country has been able to upgrade its socio-economic status due to its flourishing hospitality sector over the last twenty years. The increasing flow of incoming tourists creates huge opportunities for local entrepreneurship and employment within the hospitality sector. This, in turn, also attracts international investment, such as building five star hotels, which then creates the need for further developed infrastructure. The national authorities, in order to ensure the safety of the international visitors, provide better law and order enforcement, improved transportation and healthcare facilities, which in turn benefit the local population.
However, there are always problems. Wherever there are tourists, there is crime. Drugs and prostitution can be rife in backpacker areas with local criminals looking to fulfil the needs of adventurous and carefree tourists. Local people need to be very concerned about their children, who could be susceptible to these activities. Furthermore, the noise pollution that tourists create can be troublesome to local inhabitants. For example, Nha Trang in Vietnam, at peak times becomes a noisy seaside strip largely due to numerous Chinese, Russian and Western tourists visiting the seafront restaurants and bars. The tranquillity of the previously quiet seaside town has been arguably lost.
In conclusion, the economic benefits for the local areas far outweigh any drawbacks such as noise and crime associated with it. It is up to the authorities to keep crime in check and curb the noise levels to ensure the drawbacks do not become major issues.
