正文翻譯
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.ltaaa.com 翻譯：opopop456456exx 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

Boyfriend keeps trying to “upgrade” or “improve” me by calling me chubby

男朋友總是說(shuō)我胖乎乎的，并且試圖來(lái)“升級(jí)”或“改造”我

I’ve F(23) been dating my boyfriend M(27) for a year. I am 5”4’ and 125lbs. He pursued me. Slowly he keeps making more and more negative comments about my appearance.

我（女，23歲）和男朋友（男27歲）戀愛一年了。我身高5英尺4英寸（約1米63），體重125磅（約113斤）。是他追的我。慢慢地，他對(duì)我的外表越來(lái)越不滿。

He made me a workout and eating plan and constantly asks if I follow it. He basically wants me to go vegan. Honestly I’m not into the vegan lifestyle and I don’t eat horrible. When we order in yesterday I got baked ziti. He looked at me and said how could I be ordering this when we both agreed I need to lose weight.

他給我制定了一個(gè)鍛煉和飲食計(jì)劃，不斷地問(wèn)我是否遵守。他想讓我基本都吃素。老實(shí)說(shuō)，我不喜歡素食主義的生活方式，我也不吃可怕的東西。昨天我們點(diǎn)菜時(shí)，我吃了烤紫菜。他看著我質(zhì)疑說(shuō)，當(dāng)我們都同意我需要減肥的時(shí)候，你怎么能點(diǎn)這個(gè)菜。

Honestly at this point I don’t want to break up because I feel no one will find me attractive. I feel like I want his approval. I’ve been wearing baggy clothes because I’m so ashamed of my body. I use to like my body but now I’m ashamed.

老實(shí)說(shuō)，現(xiàn)在我不想分手，因?yàn)槲矣X得沒人會(huì)認(rèn)為我有吸引力。我想得到他的認(rèn)可。我一直穿著寬松的衣服，因?yàn)槲覟樽约旱纳眢w感到羞愧。我以前喜歡我的身體，但現(xiàn)在我感到羞愧。

Why is he dating me if I’m so unattractive? How do I gain my self esteem back? Why pursue me?

如果我這么沒魅力，他為什么要和我約會(huì)？我怎樣才能找回自尊？他為什么要追我？

Edit: I would like to thank everyone for the overwhelming response. I can’t get back to everyone, but I appreciate each and every message. Honestly I didn’t realize my situation was that bad, I am going to assume he had me under control. This really was reassuring and I’m so happy I found this community and made this thread. I broke up with him over text message and explained to him how you talk and treat me is not how you talk to anyone let alone your girlfriend who you are suppose to love. That I hope he changes for the next girl he dates because he’s a miserable person and no one deserves his abuse. I blocked his number, I’m sure he might try to show up at my house, but I just felt the need to end it as soon as possible. I think I’m going to take some time for myself since my self esteem is still in the gutter, but thank you all

后面編輯：我要感謝大家的熱烈回復(fù)。我不能一一回復(fù)所有人，但我很感激每一條留言。老實(shí)說(shuō)，我沒有意識(shí)到我的處境有那么糟糕，我想他已經(jīng)控制了我。我很高興我找到了這個(gè)社區(qū)，并且發(fā)了這帖子。我用短信和他分手了，并向他解釋，他向我說(shuō)的這些話以及對(duì)待我的方式，根本就不是對(duì)待自己心愛女孩應(yīng)該要有的樣子。我希望他能為下一個(gè)和他戀愛的女孩而改變，因?yàn)樗莻€(gè)可憐的人，沒有人值得被他虐待。我屏蔽了他的號(hào)碼，我相信他可能會(huì)來(lái)我家找我，但我只是覺得有必要盡快結(jié)束這段感情。我想我會(huì)花點(diǎn)時(shí)間為自己著想，因?yàn)槲业淖宰鹦倪€沒恢復(fù)，謝謝大家

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原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://www.ltaaa.com 翻譯：opopop456456exx 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

mooninpisces
Bless Up
This guy is toxic. What he is doing to you is abusive. No wonder your self-esteem is low and you’re concerned that you won’t find someone else. HE is the one who is doing that to you. He knows he is making you doubt yourself and making you afraid that he’s the only one who will ever want you.
Only you define your worth. The longer you stay in this relationship, the harder it will be to leave. And the longer it will take to discover yourself again and feel whole.

祝福你
這家伙簡(jiǎn)直有毒。他是在虐待你。難怪你這么自卑，擔(dān)心找不到別的男人。他就是那個(gè)對(duì)你這么做的人。他知道，其實(shí)是他讓你陷入自我懷疑，讓你害怕，讓你覺得只有他是唯一想要你的人。
只有你自己才可以定義你自己的價(jià)值。你在這段關(guān)系中待得越久，就越難離開。并且從這段感情中恢復(fù)過(guò)來(lái)的時(shí)間就越久。

chihuahua-mama
And if you accidentally get pregnant, can you imagine him doing this to your kids?

如果你不小心懷孕了，你能想象他也會(huì)這樣對(duì)你的孩子嗎？

sevenorangefiles
How do I gain my self esteem back?
By dumping the person who keeps destroying it.

“我怎樣才能找回自尊？”
把那個(gè)不斷破壞它的人拋到九霄云外。

didntstarthefire
It honestly sounds like he chased you just so he could break you down and control you. Girl get the fuck OUT

老實(shí)說(shuō)，他追你是為了讓你崩潰然后控制你。妹子趕緊退出這段戀愛吧

FuDuPuDa
@mooninpisces Guy here (sorry to invade), but you are dead on.
I''ve seen guys do this where they pursue a woman who is by all conventional standards a "catch" and a "keeper", finally "get them", and then systematically break them down physically, mentally, and spiritually so no one else can "have them".
I feel a lot of empathy for what op is going through; people, especially "men", can be capable of doing terrible things while deluding themselves that they are "helping".
My only advice for the OP is to not let that toxic person break them down anymore but that is easier said than done.

@mooninpisces?
我是男的（冒昧參與女性話題），但你說(shuō)對(duì)了。
我見過(guò)男人這樣做，他們追求一個(gè)女人，按照他們的傳統(tǒng)標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，這是一個(gè)“俘虜”和一個(gè)“獵手”的游戲，最后是“抓住她們”，然后系統(tǒng)性地把她們從身體上、精神上和思想上分裂開，這樣就沒有別人能“擁有她們”。
我對(duì)樓主的遭遇很同情；人們，特別是“男人”，可以在做可怕的事情的同時(shí)，自欺欺人地說(shuō)他們其實(shí)是在提供“幫助”。
我對(duì)樓主的唯一建議是不要讓那個(gè)有毒的人再把你的自信擊碎，但這說(shuō)起來(lái)容易做起來(lái)難。

spacebitchxxx
I feel like a lot of people go for others they think they can ‘fix’. Pretty narcissistic, and definitely toxic! He’s 100% trying to get her to depend on him for approval so she won’t leave which is awful.

我覺得很多人喜歡別人，他們認(rèn)為他們可以“塑造”自己的 伴侶。其實(shí)這相當(dāng)自戀，并且絕對(duì)有毒！他百分之百地想讓她依靠他，這樣她就不會(huì)離開他了，這太可怕了。

Verified Crisis Counselor
This is exactly what the filmmaker Max Landis did to his partners. It absolutely is abuse.

這正是電影制作人馬克斯·蘭迪斯對(duì)他的伴侶所做的事情。這絕對(duì)是虐待。

JustAsICanBeSoCruel
It''s a very HEALTHY weight. I''m OPs height (actually, an inch taller), and whenever I was the weight her bf is trying to get her to, my doctor would berate me for being thin. She literally would demand to know if I had an eating disorder.
Her bf wants her to be unhealthy.

（樓主的體重）這是一個(gè)非常健康的體重。我的身高和樓主一樣（實(shí)際上，高了一英寸），如果我的體重是她男朋友想讓她達(dá)到的那種體重，我的醫(yī)生就會(huì)斥責(zé)我太瘦了。她會(huì)詢問(wèn)我是否飲食失調(diào)。
換而言之樓主的男朋友希望她不健康。

Kuchi_Kobi
Why is he dating me if I’m so unattractive? How do I gain my self esteem back? Why pursue me?
Some people like to be manipulating of others and that''s what''s happening here. Leave him & I promise you someone better is out there for you.

“如果我這么沒魅力，他為什么要和我約會(huì)？我怎樣才能找回自尊？他為什么要追我？”
有些人就是喜歡操縱別人，這就是正在發(fā)生在你身上的事情。離開他，我保證會(huì)有更好的人在你身邊。

You_Talk_Funny
Send him a picture of Gerald Butler in 300 and if he can''t achieve those results by tomorrow morning, dump him.
You''re only trying to build up his self esteem. He''ll thank you for it eventually.
See what I mean.

給他寄一張《300勇士》中杰拉爾德·巴特勒的照片，如果他到明天早上還不能達(dá)到這樣的（肌肉）效果，就把他甩了。
你只是想建立他的自信而已。他會(huì)感謝你的。
明白我的意思吧。

DovahFerret
@You_Talk_Funny Ha. I see no issue with this. It''s literally the embodiment of "treat others as you want to be treated". Maybe all this was just his really roundabout way of trying to get OP to aggressively encourage him to improve himself!
I kid.
OP, like everyone else has said, get out of there. He is abusive and you definitely deserve better.

@You_Talk_Funny 哈。我看這沒什么問(wèn)題。從字面上講，這是“己所不欲勿施于人”的體現(xiàn)。也許這一切只是他的迂回策略，他真正的目的是試圖讓樓主積極鼓勵(lì)他提高自己！
我只是開玩笑。
樓主，就像其他人說(shuō)的，離開這段感情。他虐待你，你絕對(duì)應(yīng)該得到更好的對(duì)待。

xoTesfaye
Leave him, if a man loves you, he will love you for you. This doesn’t mean he won’t care about your health, but the way you’re describing, sounds like he’s not interested in you

離開他，如果一個(gè)男人愛你，他會(huì)因?yàn)槟惚旧矶鴲勰恪＿@并不意味著他不關(guān)心你的健康，但從你描述的來(lái)看，你男朋友對(duì)你不感興趣。

VastTrust
5''4" and 125lb is literally skinny? Even if you were actually overweight or obese nothing justifies this behavior. He is emotionally abusing you get tf out of there right away. Call all your best girl friends, your mom, you sister, whatever, tell them exactly what you put in this post and I promise they''ll tell you to dump him right away. Get out of there!!!

5英尺4英寸和125磅真的很瘦嗎？即使你真的超重或肥胖，沒有任何理由證明這種你男朋友這種行為是正當(dāng)?shù)?。他在情緒上虐待你，請(qǐng)馬上結(jié)束這戀愛。打電話給你最好的女性朋友，你的媽媽，或者你的妹妹，不管怎樣，告訴她們你在這篇文章里寫了什么，我保證她們會(huì)叫你立刻甩掉他。分手吧?。?！

whatisredditguys
Same I''m 5''4" and probably around 135, made me kind of sad because I know I''m not fat :( but this asshole is telling her she is? I''m not even the one dating the fool but he''s making me feel bad

同樣，我身高5尺4寸，大概135磅左右，這讓我有點(diǎn)難過(guò)，雖然我知道我不胖：（但這個(gè)混蛋說(shuō)樓主她很胖？我甚至不會(huì)和這種傻瓜約會(huì)，但他讓我感覺很糟糕

writingSFF
5''4 and 125 pounds is NOT chubby. I''m 5''5 and 110 pounds and people always tell me I''m too thin.
Your boyfriend is an asshole and there are so many men out there who will treat you better!

5尺4和125磅不是胖乎乎的。我5尺5，110磅，人們總是說(shuō)我太瘦了。
你男朋友是個(gè)混蛋，外面還有很多會(huì)對(duì)你更好的男人！

jennitickles
Came here to say exactly this. Your bf is an idiot. Your height and weight combo sound perfect and healthy. Don’t let him break you, you deserve better!

來(lái)這里就是想說(shuō)這個(gè)。你的男朋友是個(gè)白癡。你的身高和體重組合看起來(lái)完美又健康。別讓他打擊你，你應(yīng)該得到更好的！

I''m barely 5''2 and 125 lbs, and if I lose weight I lose my period. You can lose ~185 lbs by dropping his ass, and a bit more by running for the hills.
Bagglebaggle
Consider this, what if you lost 15lbs? What if you lost 15lbs and he starts saying "oh you would look even better if you lost another 15lbs" By this point you''re underweight, by this point you''re in danger of developing an eating disorder and putting your own health in jeapordy. But he wants to see how far he can push you, and he will keep doing that unless you pull the plug and stop him.

想想看，如果你減了15磅呢？如果你減了15磅，他開始說(shuō)“哦，如果你再減15磅，你會(huì)看起來(lái)更好”這時(shí)你體重不足，此時(shí)你有可能患上飲食失調(diào)疾病，你自己的健康也將處于危險(xiǎn)境地。但他想知道他能把你推著走多遠(yuǎn)，除非你拔掉插頭阻止他，否則他會(huì)一直這樣做。

basicallyaballerina
110 is underweight for 5’4 according to BMI!

根據(jù)體重指數(shù)，對(duì)于5尺4寸身高來(lái)說(shuō)，110磅是體重不足了！

curiously-optimistic
What the fuck??! I am also 5ft 4, 125lbs and let me tell you I have no issues finding men who consider my body sexy!! If you lost 15lbs you would be underweight by pretty much all Medical standards. The healthy weight range, for our height is something like 118-140lbs Fuck this guy. Get rid of him immediately. Tell him good luck finding one of those girls who will put up with his bullying, emotionally abusive ass.

臥槽？？！我也有5英尺4，125磅，讓我告訴你，我在找一個(gè)認(rèn)為我的身體性感的男人方面沒任何問(wèn)題！！如果你減掉了15磅，按照幾乎所有的醫(yī)學(xué)標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，你就屬于體重不足。根據(jù)健康的體重范圍標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，以我們的身高，體重應(yīng)該大概在是118-140磅范圍，操這個(gè)家伙。立刻離開他。告訴他，祝他好運(yùn)，去找到會(huì)忍受他欺負(fù)的女孩，情感虐待的混蛋。

June_Monroe
He''s abusive dump his ass! Your weight is fine!

他在虐待你，分手！你的體重很好！

Batwoman_2017
He hates himself and is projecting that onto you. Next time he talks about how he wants to make you stand out, tell him he doesn''t get a say in that anymore. Dump him. There is nothing wrong with your body.

他恨他自己，并把這個(gè)投射到你身上。下次他再說(shuō)他想讓你脫穎而出的時(shí)候，告訴他他不再有發(fā)言權(quán)了。甩了他。你的身體沒有問(wèn)題。

mystankypanky
Wait what!? 125lbs and 5’4” is “chubby?” How in the fuck!? He’s obviously attracted to girls with eating disorders. Your very well within a healthy range and probably shouldn’t change a damn thing. Drop the loser and find someone who isn’t retarded.

等等，說(shuō)什么！？125磅5尺4寸是“胖乎乎”的？他媽的想怎么樣！？他顯然對(duì)飲食失調(diào)的女孩很感興趣。你在健康范圍內(nèi)很好，也許根本不應(yīng)該改變什么。放下這個(gè)盧瑟，找一個(gè)不是弱智的人戀愛。

HumbleMumbleJumble
Girl, girl, ggiiiiirrrrlllllllll
Please leave this psycho. It is absolutely not okay to control someone like this and demean their partner. If my boyfriend did just ONE of the many jaw-dropping offenses your boyfriend made, I would high tail it so fast out of our house and bid his ass adieu. You must understand he is severely unhappy with himself and is in - a sick way - trying to control you to make himself feel better. He sounds like the “grass is always greener” type person. Let me ask, do you want to spend the rest of your life constantly chasing the next best fad or lifestyle with this person? Or do you want to be accepted for who you are and grow together with someone who sees your individual beauty? I am so sorry for what you are dealing with, you are experiencing a form of emotional abuse and when you are ready, there are many resources to help process your feelings and plan actions to reclaim your life back. My heart goes out to you, I respect your decisions and I hope you are able to heal and understand your glory very shortly :) <3.

女孩，女孩，女孩
請(qǐng)離開這個(gè)瘋子。這樣子去控制別人并且貶低伴侶的行為是絕對(duì)不好的。如果我男朋友只是犯了你男朋友犯下的令人瞠目結(jié)舌的其中一個(gè)罪行，我都會(huì)很快把他趕出家門，跟他告別。你必須明白，他對(duì)自己非常不滿意，而且正在病態(tài)地試圖控制你，讓自己感覺好些。他聽起來(lái)像是“這山望著那山高”的人。讓我問(wèn)一下，你想和這個(gè)人一起度過(guò)余生，不斷追求下一個(gè)最好的時(shí)尚或生活方式嗎？還是說(shuō)你想和一個(gè)能讓你成為你自己，并且發(fā)現(xiàn)你獨(dú)特的美的人一起成長(zhǎng)？我很同情你正在遭受的事情，你正在經(jīng)歷一種形式的情緒虐待，當(dāng)你準(zhǔn)備好了，其實(shí)會(huì)有很多資源來(lái)幫助你處理你的情緒，計(jì)劃行動(dòng)起來(lái)，挽回你的生活。我的心向你敞開，我尊重你的決定，我希望你能很快治愈并理解自己的自尊：）<3。

gypsofeelia
Throw the whole man in the trash.

把他整個(gè)人扔進(jìn)垃圾桶。

TheGiggleWizard
You’re not fat. I’m not a fan of the idea that “any weight is healthy”, but you’re not at a weight that is a danger to you or anyone else. This dude is just toxic. There’s nothing wrong with encouraging someone to stay healthy, but your bf is abusive and borderline sadistic.

你不胖。我不贊成“任何體重都是健康的”這一觀點(diǎn)，但你的體重對(duì)你或任何人都沒有危險(xiǎn)。這家伙就是有毒的。鼓勵(lì)別人保持健康沒什么不對(duì)，但你的男朋友是個(gè)濫情者，近乎虐待狂。

Minsc_NBoo
This guy is toxic. You are perfectly normal weight for your height. You are in the "healthy" BMI category
He is trying to destroy your self esteem so you won''t leave him
Even if you were a little overweight (which you are not) he should not treat you like this.
I would seriously consider leaving him .

這家伙有毒。就你的身高而言，你的體重完全正常。你屬于“健康”BMI范疇
他想毀掉你的自尊，這樣你就不會(huì)離開他
即使你有點(diǎn)超重（實(shí)際上你不是），他也不應(yīng)該這樣對(duì)待你。
我會(huì)認(rèn)真建議你離開他。

McTrentonomous
My wife is 5’4 and 135. Usually her weight is between 115-125. She has a rockin’ fuckin body.
Dump his ass. He’s a cunt. Go flaunt your body for someone else.

我妻子是5尺4寸和135磅。她的體重通常在115-125磅之間。她的身材搖擺不定。
甩了他這個(gè)混蛋。他是王八蛋。重新找個(gè)男人去炫耀你的身體吧。

HughesR1990
Yo, he send you pics of other girls he wants you too look like? That shit is twisted.

喲，他給你發(fā)了其他女孩的照片并且他也希望你看起來(lái)像這照片里的女孩？那該死的混蛋心理真是扭曲的。

hauntedcookie36
This is so abusive. Call him out on emotionally abusing you. Your self esteem will improve if you leave him. You don’t even weigh that much!! I’m same 5’4” and 150 pounds heavier and I consider myself to be curvy and beautiful and not fat at all and so are you!

這太過(guò)分了。打電話給他，告訴他他在感情上虐待你。如果你離開他，你的自信會(huì)提高的。你甚至沒有那么重??！我同樣是5英尺4英寸和150磅重，我認(rèn)為自己身材具有曲線而且美麗，一點(diǎn)也不胖，你也是！